


A Word That Means "Home"

by airinshaw



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 13:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7894783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airinshaw/pseuds/airinshaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The third time Spencer comes home to find Brendon sat in the back garden with his feet in the pool, reading a soggy paperback and waiting for him, Spencer gives him a key to the house.</p>
<p>"Didn't you get that cut for Haley?" Ryan asks. Spencer just shrugs.</p>
<p>"She's not here that often anyway," he says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Word That Means "Home"

**Author's Note:**

> Written circa 2008 and only just getting around to putting here.
> 
> For reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, this was written for bayleaf.
> 
> Betaed by strangecobwebs who saves me from my neglect of commas and also shared the joy of sitting and writing in Starbucks on a rainy Leeds afternoon.

Brendon shows up at Spencer's new house the day after he moves in. Well, he actually helped Spencer move in because, as he makes sure to tell Spencer, he's a good friend as well as a great bandmate. But this is a more determined arrival. Brendon tells Spencer that he is missing his daily Spencer-intake, not being on tour. He's picked up some beers ("Really?" Okay - so I got my neighbour to pick them up.") and a movie about vampires and werewolves (which, as it turns out, sucks).

Spencer raises one eyebrow and lets him in.

After that, Brendon shows up most days, but he always bring food from various places on the way so Spencer doesn't really mind so much.

*

One afternoon Brendon makes them wash the dishes by hand to 'save the environment' by not using the dishwasher. Just as Spencer hands a plate over for Brendon to dry (and starts to wash the mountain of glasses that somehow just the two of them have managed to use), Brendon tells him that he's gay. Spencer continues washing the dishes and nods. Brendon stares at him until he finally looks up.

"And?" he asks.

"And nothing," Brendon says. "I'm gay."

Spencer hands Brendon a wet glass, forcing him to dry the plate and put it down on the little pile he's making on the side. Spencer doesn't understand what's going on.

"Aren't you shocked?" Brendon asks finally and Spencer realises that Brendon is coming out to him. He laughs until he has to sit down.

Brendon looks pissed off and storms out of the kitchen. Spencer follows him and manages to explain that he already knew - that they all already knew.

Brendon nods before realisation dawns on his face. "Is that why Pete keeps trying to make me spend all that time alone with that roadie of theirs?" he asks. "Oh! - Is that why Andy rants about gay rights to me? It's all falling into place."

Spencer offers the appropriate sympathetic noises but makes Brendon come back and finish washing the dishes with him.

*

Somehow Brendon manages to leave a pair of shoes at Spencer's house every time he visits. He arrives with one pair, the pair on his feet, and always leaves wearing shoes (Spencer's pretty sure he would notice if Brendon left without shoes). And yet the pile of Brendon's shoes near the front door continues to grow until it rivals Spencer's own. The door-pile doesn't include the shoes that Spencer keeps in his ("Fucking huge, dude! I could live in here!") closet, but it is still pretty impressive.

So when Spencer sees the Amazing Shoe Rack (TM Ryan) on a trip to Ikea (Ryan blames Keltie for sending him, but Spencer knows Ryan loves Ikea), he buys it. It is just, he explains to Ryan, that he doesn't want Brendon to mistake Spencer's shoes for his own and start wearing them. The fact that it is called "Omsorg" just makes it an even better buy.

When Brendon comes over that night and sees the Amazing Shoe Rack (TM), with their shoes all separated into his and Spencer's pairs, he laughs and makes name labels for each of section. He even makes Spencer help.

It never occurs to Spencer to just tell Brendon to take his shoes back to his own apartment.

*

The third time Spencer comes home to find Brendon sat in the back garden with his feet in the pool, reading a soggy paperback and waiting for him, Spencer gives him a key to the house.

"Didn't you get that cut for Haley?" Ryan asks, later. Spencer just shrugs.

"She's not here that often anyway," he says.

*

When Spencer and Haley split up, Brendon lets himself in and looks at Spencer more forlornly than Spencer himself even feels. Spencer laughs hard at the box of tissues Brendon had bought on the way over.

"It was a mutual decision, Brendon," Spencer explains again, but it doesn't stop Brendon from insisting that he cooks them dinner (lasagne - not bad) and making them watch Star Wars. ("Why Star Wars?" "Because the only real 'romance' is between siblings and therefore not at all hot and unlikely to upset you." "I'm fine!")

It wasn't like Spencer wasn't a little upset about splitting with Haley, but they worked better as friends anyway and it was hard to stay sad when Brendon was planning "Cheer Up Spencer" band nights. Jon joins them in spirit by letting Brendon record his voice and place a tape recorder behind a blown-up photo of him on the couch.

Ryan nearly falls over laughing, only propped up by Spencer who is laughing almost as hard. Although that might have been the beer. Brendon grins and proclaims the whole thing a success.

*

When Spencer's heating system makes a stuttering sound during Jeopardy one night, Brendon offers to call someone to look at it the next day but Spencer just stares at him.

"It's July," he says. "Why the hell did you have the heat on?"

Brendon shrugs, "I was cold!"

They don't end up calling anyone because they're leaving for tour in two days. What's the point?

Brendon arranges to get picked up at Spencer's house. It makes more sense than getting the bus to come across town to get him, after all.

Spencer helps pack Brendon's clothes into a suitcase and then gets them each a beer to celebrate getting it closed.

*

When Spencer tells Ryan that Brendon had bought a George Foreman grill for the house, Ryan raises his eyebrows.

"You know it's just because he wants to be able to make paninis, right?" Ryan points out. "And he can make them at his own house."

Spencer shrugs. "Well, he can make them at mine now, too."

*

It's easier for them to buy groceries together, really. Brendon eats at Spencer's house so often that it makes sense to just buy stuff they both like together. Plus, Spencer has way too much fun putting ridiculous and heavy items into the cart and then running off to leave Brendon to put them back.

They take turns paying.

*

Next time they have a break, Jon joins them in Vegas and comes over to Spencer's house to hang out. The next day, when they're all at Ryan's house, he jokes that Brendon is practically moving in.

"It must be a pain in the ass to have one of us there all the time. Like being back on the bus," he says.

Ryan just laughs and tells Jon that if Spencer really didn't want Brendon there, he would have been gone ages ago. Spencer scowls but doesn't disagree.

*

Brendon crashes in the spare room a lot; his own place is kind of far. As he never thinks to bring a toothbrush, Spencer lets him use the red one out of his two-for-one pack (he's already using the blue).

Thereafter the red one is Brendon's toothbrush. It sits in the glass with Spencer's own in Spencer's bathroom because he's never gotten round to buying extra toothpaste for the main bathroom.

He's also never bought shampoo or shower gel for it either, so Brendon just showers in Spencer's bathroom too. 

It never occurs to Spencer to buy some more shampoo and toothpaste while they shop for groceries and instead they bicker over what brand to buy for Spencer's bathroom.

*

When Brendon's dirty clothes threaten to take over the spare room, Spencer throws them into the laundry with his own. There are no hangers in the spare room closet so Spencer ends up hanging the clean clothes up in his own closet, on the right.

Eventually there isn't enough room in the closet for both his and Brendon's clothes. Spencer takes all the stuff he doesn't wear anymore over to goodwill.

*

Brendon brings round his favourite guitar so that he and Spencer can jam in Spencer's "music room." Another time he arrives with his keyboard under his arm so that he can pre-record bits to play while he and Spencer jam.

One day Spencer comes home from dinner at his parents' house to find Brendon setting up his writing table - the one he had shipped from Boston and then made them all come over to admire and help him find the perfect place for it. It must have taken him hours to get it across town and then put it back together.

Spencer just says, "It'll look better in the other corner," and helps him move it over.

After that Brendon moves all of his other instruments into Spencer's music room. It makes more sense to have them all together, really.

*

On December 27th, they realise that the stuttering heater has stopped working. Spencer steals a space heater out of his parents' basement and they pull blankets into the living room to keep them warm while they watch tv. It's cold, but it's not too cold.

It isn't until December 30th that the temperature really drops. It isn't too bad during the day, but that night Brendon looks up historical Vegas temperatures on the internet.

"It might get as low as 34 degrees!" he exclaims, eying the space heater that Spencer is transporting through to his bedroom. Spencer grips it guiltily. The spare room already gets the coldest.

"Fuck it," Brendon says decisively, "I'm sleeping in with you."

Brendon drags through the blankets off his own bed and curls up in them next to Spencer. They end up talking in the dark for two hours before falling asleep. Spencer doesn't think he's ever laughed so hard in his life.

They call around on the 31st but it's New Year's Eve and everyone says that they can't come out until at least January 3rd to fix the heater (they're the lowest priority as they have no children or elderly people living in the house and at least have the space heater). 

Ryan offers for them to sleep at his place, but Spencer declines. Instead Brendon sleeps each night in Spencer's bedroom. It doesn't occur to either of them to stay at Brendon's apartment.

On the night of January 1st, when they have hangovers and can't seem to get warm no matter what, it seems stupid to sleep under separate blankets rather than both using all of them. Spencer spreads Brendon's bedding on top of his own and they both curl up under it all.

The next morning Spencer wakes up feeling stifled by the warm, heavy weight of the bedding on him, but he doesn't throw it off. Instead he pokes Brendon until he wakes up and then forces him to go and make coffee.

*

The day the heating gets fixed, Brendon moves his blankets back to the spare room. That night, he comes and sits on Spencer's bed and complains that going to bed is boring now. They end up talking for hours again and Brendon falls asleep on top of the covers.

In the middle of the night, Spencer wakes up to see Brendon shivering in his sleep so he pulls him under the covers and goes back to sleep. The next morning they play rock, paper, scissors to decide who makes the coffee. Spencer loses.

Brendon keeps coming through to hang out before going to bed and then falls asleep on Spencer's bed. Spencer starts making him climb under the covers while they talk, "just in case" he falls asleep before going back to his own bed and therefore saving Spencer the effort of covering him up in the middle of the night. 

Eventually they don't even assume that Brendon will go and sleep in the spare room and just both get into bed.

The first time Brendon goes to bed first and still goes into Spencer's room, neither of them even notice.

*

Spencer buys new underwear for Brendon one afternoon at the mall because the last time he did the laundry, he noticed that Brendon's boxers were getting worn out.

Brendon picks up Spencer's favourite dry-look gel from the only place in Vegas that stocks it to save Spencer the trip.

Spencer regularly bitches at Brendon for clothes straying over from "his side" of the closet, until Brendon points out that there are some of his clothes that Spencer has managed to "accidentally" hang on his own side. After that only their absolute favourite items stay on their "sides." The rest just gets kind of shared and Spencer wears Brendon's clothes as often as Brendon wears his.

*

One day they're looking at CDs in Best Buy and somehow end up co-buying a surround sound system. Which means, obviously, that they need to buy a 60" flat-screen plasma tv to complete the home theatre experience.

Spencer is excitedly telling Ryan about it when he stops by to borrow Spiderman and Ryan asks why they co-bought the stuff if the set up can only stay at Spencer's house.

"Dude - it's really expensive," Spencer explains. He doesn't quite get why Ryan starts laughing at him and then goes off to call Jon.

He snags Ryan's entire Extended Edition Lord of the Rings Trilogy while Ryan's on the phone and leaves before Ryan has a chance to notice.

*

Spencer goes with Brendon to his apartment to pack up his X-box and some other stuff. They take the X-box across town and give it to Brendon's brother. It isn't like he even uses it any more and all the best games are at already at Spencer's house.

Spencer realises that it's the first time Brendon has been back to his own apartment in six months.

When they get back to Spencer's house, Brendon unpacks the clothes that he grabbed while at his apartment and hangs them in the closet. Spencer thinks about asking Brendon why he doesn't just give up the lease on his apartment, but it somehow feels like a huge question. He doesn't understand why and ends up losing spectacularly at Guitar Hero because he can't concentrate.

*

When Brendon's birthday is two months away, Spencer goes out and orders a baby grand piano for him. It will be be custom made and delivered on Brendon's actual birthday.

Brendon is out visiting his parents and Ryan and Jon are camped out on Spencer's sofa watching The Two Towers (Ryan still hasn't realised that they are actually his copies) when Spencer tells them about the gift. Ryan pauses the DVD and stares at Spencer. Jon laughs.

"Oh my god, dude," Ryan says. "You are so fucking in love."

Spencer scowls. "What are you talking about?" he asks.

"Sooooooooooooooooo in love," Jon sing-songs. "You bought him a piano, Spence."

Spencer thinks for a second before his eyes finally widen. "Oh my god," he says. "OH MY GOD! I'm in love with Brendon!"

Jon and Ryan laugh at him for a long time. Spencer throws popcorn at them, glad that Brendon isn't there.

"You really didn't know," Jon says when he can breathe again. Ryan is still tipped over, clutching his sides. Spencer shakes his head and Jon starts laughing again. "But you live together! You share a bed, for fucks sake!"

Spencer suddenly feels very, very dumb.

*

Spencer tries to act normal around Brendon but it's like he's suddenly woken up and can't ignore all the things that previously seemed perfectly natural and normal.

When Spencer wakes up tangled up with Brendon, like he does every morning, he gets up and makes the coffee even though it's Brendon's turn.

When Brendon comes in to brush his teeth while Spencer is in the shower and talks to him about the book he's reading, Spencer marvels at his own denseness in never realising how weird their living situation was before.

When Brendon lies with his head in Spencer's lap while they watch America's Next Top Model, Spencer can't help but wonder how Brendon hasn't questioned how they are living. He spends half of the show wondering if Brendon is in love with him too and, if he is, does he know it or is he still unaware of it like Spencer was.

When Brendon bakes cookies one afternoon and licks the dough off the spoon and his fingers, Spencer goes to "take a shower" and jerks off frantically, one ear listening in case Brendon comes into the bedroom.

*

Spencer goes to see Ryan and smacks him around the back of the head.

"Why didn't you tell me!" he asks hysterically. He had woken up that morning from a dream where Brendon was blowing him to find Brendon's face pressed into his neck.

Ryan laughs and Spencer wants to kill him. Especially when Keltie comes into the room and asks if Ryan is laughing about Spencer's denseness again. She grins knowingly at Spencer and he considers killing her too. He decides not to as he would probably need Brendon's help to bury the bodies and then he would have to explain why he killed them in the first place.

"I can't believe you didn't know, dude," Ryan says, grinning. Spencer tells him he misses the old, melancholy Ryan who would have bitched and said that love was over-rated anyway. Ryan grins more and starts rolling a joint.

Later, when the three of them are totally stoned and ridiculously giggly, Spencer asks Ryan if Brendon is in love with him too. Keltie laughs so hard that she ends up coughing on the floor. Spencer decides that he hates her and tells Ryan that. It sets Keltie off again.

"What do you think?" Ryan asks. Spencer shrugs non-commitally and Ryan rolls his eyes.

"Can you tell him too?" Spencer asks hopefully. Ryan shakes his head and tells Spencer that he has to wait to see if Brendon realises it himself, or tell Brendon he loves him. Spencer tells Ryan that he hates him too.

Later, Spencer calls Jon and asks him to talk to Brendon about it. Jon agrees with Ryan. Spencer decides he hates everyone, including Brendon who smells kind of amazing and keeps sitting really close to him on the sofa.

*

Brendon finally corners Spencer and asks him why he's being so weird.

"I thought we were great," Brendon says and Spencer feels awful. He stutters through a lame excuse about stress and runs off to Ryan's house.

That night Brendon goes to sleep on the far side of the bed with his back turned. Spencer guesses it could be worse - he could have gone back to sleep in the spare room. The fact that he didn't gives Spencer hope.

*

Brendon's piano actually arrives the day before his birthday and Spencer panics because it really is a huge and important gift to have bought. Thankfully, Brendon is out shopping with Ryan (who always makes Brendon choose his own birthday presents) when it arrives. Spencer worries and hovers while the piano is being set up in the music room until the moving guys actually order him out. He sits in the kitchen and drinks decaf coffee by the gallon and tries to calm down.

The moving guys leave and Spencer stands looking at the piano until he hears the door opening. He runs into the living room and tries to sit casually on the sofa. He knows he has failed when Brendon comes in and asks him why he's sitting like a pimp.

"I bought you something for your birthday," Spencer says, feeling sick with nerves. He grabs Brendon's hand and pulls him through to show him the piano.

Spencer watches Brendon's face and sees it light up when he spots the sleek, black baby grand nestled between his music desk and Spencer's drums. He also sees Brendon's face as realisation suddenly dawns and he turns to look at Spencer.

"Oh my god," he says, "you're totally in love with me."

Spencer stammers as Brendon walks over and kisses him. It takes him a couple of seconds to realise what's happening and then he kisses back. He makes a sound of protest when Brendon finally pulls away.

"I'm in love with you, too," Brendon says and Spencer grins. It's not like he has to make any effort to get Brendon into his bed.

*

Spencer and Brendon buy a brand new king size bed a week after they finally get together. Jon jokes that it's because they broke the old one with "all the sex" but really it's because Brendon wants to buy something for both of them that feels as intimate as Spencer buying him the piano.

Plus, the old bed has started creaking alarmingly. But they don't tell Jon that.

*

When they go back out on tour, Spencer wonders if it will be weird, but Jon and Ryan lay down the "no-sex-except-silent-sex" rule and everything is surprisingly the same.

One afternoon Brendon comes back from a shopping trip with Jon carrying a new coffee maker.

"It's for our house," Brendon tells Spencer excitedly before dancing off to store it in their spare bunk (they both sleep in one bunk and use the other to keep all their assorted crap). Spencer can't help grinning. It's the first time Brendon has said "our" house.

*

On the day that Brendon finally gets around to dissolving the lease on his apartment, Spencer arranges for Brendon's name to be put on the deeds to their house. He gives a copy to Brendon inside a plain brown envelope and on the front he writes "Home". 


End file.
